Delving into the Intangibles


   The theater called life  
     
 

I wish I had studied more; I wanted to live in the countryside surrounded by nature rather than spending a busy time in the city; I should have expressed more opinions; I should have enjoyed more....., Looking back at the past, I’m full of regrets. At my age, I ask myself what percentage of my desires have been realized.

You cannot blame anyone else if you did not make it; you cannot pass the buck to others. Little wonder, since it was you yourself who designed the course of your life and followed it, consciously or unconsciously.

The American sociologist Irving Gofman (1922-1982) has analyzed lives from the viewpoint of dramaturgy.: "Everyone writes a screenplay of their own, and along with it, he is going to live as an actor.”

We write a script making use of our dreams, hopes, and desires with the intangible power driving us. 
As the actor/actress of the play, we, who are tangible, perform our part on stage, following the script.

Few people can play out their life exactly as written in the script. If you want to be a good performer, you need do a lot of practice, and rehearse to death, before the day of the dress rehearsal. You feel stressed, and suffer, when you cannot act faithfully as prescribed in the script of your own writing.

When I was immature and young, I acted hell-bent with all my energy and strength, making myself into a ham actress; even in my eyes, this must have been a pathetic sight in the “theater of life.” It is very difficult to find the right point to stop, so as not to run the risk of overplaying, especially as you aspire too much to act better and better.

Thinking along those lines, I’m trying to write one more script. But, at my age, it is tough for me to write a long one, so I’m writing only short ones. As the stage director of myself, I’m watching my performance as an actress. Still, I can imagine myself spitting out, “Ah, what a disaster! Just as I thought, she was a third-rate actress,” as the heavy curtain begins to drop slowly and the audiences leave the theater quietly, without applause. Not the standing ovation had I dreamed about, of course.

Is life a tragedy?  Shakespeare wrote; "Life is a shadow walking around, a pathetic actor." ....But I think every single person's life can be a comedy as well, as we ask questions without answers and do stupid things endlessly like actors in the play of our making. 

What do you think?
 
                                                        K.Yamakawa